Teaching English in China can lead to some situations that drive you to the brink of insanity. That’s not to say I don’t like China, quite the opposite. But, there are times….
1. I can’t seem to get in a fast moving line, be it at a supermarket or passport control station. If in a line with one person in front of me, the line of ten next to me will speed along. I’m cursed, I tells ya.
2. The check-out lines in Chinese supermarkets labeled “Cash only” or “10 items of less” actually except forms of payment other than cash and many more items than 10.
3. When searching for a gym in China try to find one with a non-smoking section.
4. Before boarding the Hong Kong bus to the mainland, my temperature was checked to ensure I wasn’t infected with swine flu. The Star Trek-like gun-thing would not give a reading when pointed at my forehead. The bus attendant looked perplexed and tried again and again. After four minutes I began to wonder if I was dead and had become a zombie. That’s not outside the realm of possibility.
5. Given my level of exhaustion, and after listening to the screams of small children for 18 consecutive weeks, I am seriously considering a DIY vasectomy.
6. While I am extremely buff at the moment, I think three hours of cardio will be needed each day to balance the amount of beer and I plan to consume. I don’t want Mrs. Stevo to return to a less-than-attractive Mr. Stevo.
7. My contract finishes (thank goodness) June 30. On July 1 I will fly to Shanghai for six days, another photography trade show (missing Mrs. Stevo’s return). Look for more photos of pretty Asian models.
Conversation of the Week:
Poo is a major source of conversation between foreign teachers in China. A former colleague referred to his leavings in terms of snakes. “Oh man, you should have seen that nest of vipers…” I present the following to you:
Teacher: I feel a diarrhea attack coming on. If that happens is it okay if I let my class go early?
Stevo: No.
Teacher: Really?
Stevo: You can’t send your class home because of your bowels.
Teacher: Why not?
Stevo: How would I explain that to the parents?
Teacher: Oh.
2 – 3 & 6…
If I had a drink, it would have been sprayed on my keyboard after reading 3.
So 6 days in Shanghai, then there’s no excuse not to come over to Taiwan.
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#2 Same thing at the BECG. I’m the rat who always sends the 40-something buggies to the 20-items-or-less line.
#5 !!??!!
(Conversation of the Week:) ROTFLMAO!!
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Michael: Cheers.
Craig: If I wasn’t already missing my wife’s return to be in Shanghai I would fly on over to the renegade province.
Shawn: I’m glad that someone sends those people packing.
#1 – Opening scene of Office Space, anyone?
#6 – right there with ya buddy. Fortunately I don’t have to deal with little kids, but the maturity level of many of my students is questionable. Needless to say I have nightmares about having kids of my own that grow up to be as immature as the college kids in my class, who all act like they are in middle school.
Graham: I’ll have to watch Office Space again, I don’t recall the scene.
Very very funny, Stevo. Or, perhaps, more funny for me, thousands of miles away, than it is for you …
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Too funny about the gym and the smoking. Reminds me of when I taught in Greece and the gym had a cafe that served up the fattiest foods you could think of, not a single healthy thing on the menu. What’s the point again?
Ben: Very true.
Theresa: A Chinese doctor once told me to stop smoking as he lit a cigarette. He appended that to “Don’t smoke cheap cigarettes.”
I’ve been absent from Asian Ramblings the past few weeks and am catching up this evening. Am wishing you the best in our post teaching contract endeavors, my friend.
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