Rick and crew

1. While I enjoy my new job, I do miss my babies. Above, Rick and crew during the 2007 Christmas party. Rick, et al, are in Grade 4 this year. I remember when they were timid Grade 1s.

2. Thanks for those that voted for my self-portrait in the Fox Nomad Cheesy Travel Photo Contest. I placed 4th and won a Cabin Cuddler. I’m sure Mrs. Stevo will enjoy this blanket when the mercury dips to its winter low of 60F. I really wanted to win the multi-colored Sporks…

3. Speaking of Mrs. Stevo, she decided we should move last week. Our beloved landlord said he would no longer pay for repairs because, “he was losing too much money.” Note to Master of the House: When your appliances are 5 years old and of Chinese manufacture expect them to break. While Mrs. Stevo did find a very nice apartment and negotiated an acceptable rent, I was unwilling to pay the 4000 RMB ($600 US) penalty for breaking our lease. Seven months, then we can move and maybe buy.

4. My Canon 40D is (supposedly) returning from the shop today. While my Canon 400D is nice it’s no 40D. Canon’s announcement this week of its newest DSLR, the Canon 7D, has me assessing my finances.

5. I’ve been playing with lots of expensive toys: Pocket Wizards and Radiopoppers. If I can only get the factory girls to model for me…

6. Cow arteries are not “good eats” no matter how they are cooked. Even Alton Brown would have difficulties.

7. A bottle of beer after a week of antibiotics-induced abstinence will force you to bed at 8:40 pm.

8. Wearing pants to work everyday is troublesome. I much prefer working from home in my boxers and looking dead-sexy.

9. Working from home and an office, and three different computers, means you never have the files you need when you need them.

10. My assistant cum translator starts today. “Why didn’t you hire a pretty girl?” asked the boss. Because, unfortunately, the lad had more experience.

Some cool stuff:

Ron Dubin is on fire, almost literally. Check out his latest images of the California wildfires.

Robin, his partner in crime, is playing this little piggie, with balloons.

With the week-long National Day holiday to start October 1, I’m mulling over possible travel destinations. Taking Mrs. Stevo to Hong Kong and Macau is one idea. Another is visiting the kick-ass bloggers in Taiwan (a rebel province, not a country). Speaking of Taiwan bloggers:

Carrie and her husband John have launched a new site: Lay Your Head Here, featuring Accommodations Selected by Travelers for Travelers. She has also revamped Taiwan Photographers, both are great sites and I recommend them.

Mark Forman has a great series of images, Hut 2, 3, 4, taken at the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial.

Photog extraordinaire Craig Ferguson has a great series on Kinmen, three islands that were a flash-point between Taiwan and the mainland numerous times during the cold war.

Time to take a shower from a bucket…wish me luck.

My first sunrise in China, unemployed.

As anyone who follows me on Twitter knows, as of June 30, 2009 at 10:19 am (GMT +8) I joined the ranks of the unemployed. My contract ended, they school paid me off and gave me the official release letters. No more will I be hailed with the moniker, “Teacher.”

No more students, no more books, no more boss’s dirty looks. For me, as Alice Cooper said, school is out forever. No more teaching English in China, no more being el instructor grande of English as a Second Language.

Okay, I’m only temporarily unemployed.  I have a job to start in a few weeks, after the return of Mrs. Stevo and perhaps a bit of travel. What is that job? A few of you have asked, in comments and by email. When all the i’s are dotted and the t’s crossed I’ll let the cat out of the bag.

Every day is a new beginning. It’s easy to get mired in what seems a daily grind, the proverbial rut. Sometimes you need to take a step back and see each day for what it is: A new start. Here’s to a fresh start and new beginnings. For today, it’s a 6:15 pm flight to Shanghai and the Interphoto & Digital Imaging Shanghai (Show) from July 2-5? Visit me at the Phottix booth at the Shanghai Everbright Convention & Exhibition Center. I’ll be easy to spot: The smiling white guy.

aside: I recent lamented to Norm that China has weak clouds. After last week’s typhoon the sky has been filled with big puffy monster clouds (see above). It’s a pleasant change.

SPAM, Korean-Style

My life, teaching English in China: What do you do on a Saturday night when your friends abandon you?

Eat SPAM. That’s right. Go the Korean grocery store, buy a can of imported Korean SPAM Luncheon Meat, then return home, make some toast, and grab the mustard.

What? You don’t like SPAM? There seems to be bias in North America regarding canned meat products. For me, SPAM falls into the NCF category: Not Chinese Food. I live in China, and the majority of my diet is Chinese food, but sometimes you need a taste of something different. Comfort food, perhaps.

That’s not to say there isn’t SPAM in Chinese food. There’s SPAM in fried rice, SPAM hot dogs, and SPAM fried noodles. I’m being broad in my interpretation of SPAM. In Chinese food it’s not real SPAM, but a Chinese SPAM-like tinned meat. Sometimes said meat isn’t in a can and doesn’t require refrigeration. I find that both amazing and frightening.

Did the Hormel Food Corporation think in 1937, the year they released SPAM, it would one day graces the tables of China, being incorporated in staple Chinese dishes? Probably not. Could they have envisioned the joy of a Canadian expatriate in China, eating a can of Shoulder of Pork and Ham manufactured in Korea? Probably not. If I had a time machine I’d travel back to shake the hands of those wonderful, SPAM-creating men.

Ya Baby, It's Super Light.

To accompany the SPAM sandwich(es) I ate while watch Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry in Magnum Force, I drank a can cans of Kingway Super Light Beer. How could you not drink something called Super Light? Is it so light as to be good for you? Is it the Chinese beer equivalent of ambrosia?

Kingway is a Shenzhen, China, Brewery, and is fighting for market share with the Chinese beer dragon, Tsing Tao, the national brand.  Heineken International owns a 21% stake in Kingway. The company also produces a beer called Kingway Super Fresh. (aside: that would be a great hip-hop name: MC Super Fresh).

Sorry: Is it the Chinese beer equivalent of ambrosia?

In a word: No. But I am trying to eat healthy. Drinking regular non-super-light beer while eating sandwiches made with tinned meat containing dangerous levels of saturated fat and sodium would not have been especially healthy.

I’m giving serious consideration to translating Monty Python’s Spamalot into Chinese and starting a small theatre company to perform the show. I adapt the script to incorporate Kingway Super Light.

Teaching English in China can lead to some situations that drive you to the brink of insanity. That’s not to say I don’t like China, quite the opposite. But, there are times….

1. I can’t seem to get in a fast moving line, be it at a supermarket or passport control station. If in a line with one person in front of me, the line of ten next to me will speed along. I’m cursed, I tells ya.

2. The check-out lines in Chinese supermarkets labeled “Cash only” or “10 items of less” actually except forms of payment other than cash and many more items than 10.

3. When searching for a gym in China try to find one with a non-smoking section.

4. Before boarding the Hong Kong bus to the mainland, my temperature was checked to ensure I wasn’t infected with swine flu. The Star Trek-like gun-thing would not give a reading when pointed at my forehead. The bus attendant looked perplexed and tried again and again. After four minutes I began to wonder if I was dead and had become a zombie. That’s not outside the realm of possibility.

5. Given my level of exhaustion, and after listening to the screams of small children for 18 consecutive weeks, I am seriously considering a DIY vasectomy.

6. While I am extremely buff at the moment, I think three hours of cardio will be needed each day to balance the amount of beer and I plan to consume. I don’t want Mrs. Stevo to return to a less-than-attractive Mr. Stevo.

7. My contract finishes (thank goodness) June 30. On July 1 I will fly to Shanghai for six days, another photography trade show (missing Mrs. Stevo’s return). Look for more photos of pretty Asian models.

Conversation of the Week:
Poo is a major source of conversation between foreign teachers in China. A former colleague referred to his leavings in terms of snakes. “Oh man, you should have seen that nest of vipers…” I present the following to you:

Teacher: I feel a diarrhea attack coming on. If that happens is it okay if I let my class go early?
Stevo: No.
Teacher: Really?
Stevo: You can’t send your class home because of your bowels.
Teacher: Why not?
Stevo: How would I explain that to the parents?
Teacher: Oh.

ESL Teachers and a student take part in a basketball game as part of a school charity event in Shenzhen, China.

When I worked for a newspaper I loved shooting high school sports. The weather this day didn’t agree with me. This image looked much better before the JPG conversion. And, I’m way out of practice.  Michael at Expatriate Games has a great description of basketball in China (the nation is crazy for it). I recommend reading it.

The two weeks of sunshine were a tease. I spent most of the weekend inside thanks to torrential downpours. June 1 signals the start of the Pacific typhoon season. A school day canceled because of a typhoon is always welcome. Five weeks and counting…

The people that come to teach English in China may have learned a little Mandarin before arriving in The Middle Kingdom. That usually goes out the window: The classroom and the street are vastly different environs.

Ni Hao, they will say (Hello). Or perhaps, Xie Xie (Thank you).  Other than those two key expressions, new people teaching English in China find themselves lost in a linguistic maze. The local accent, the rapid-fire delivery, lead to confusion, bewilderment, and more often than not, fright.

There is one phrase all new ESL teachers learn: Something key to their survival in the high-pressure, crazy, dog-eat-dog world of teaching English overseas:

Pijiu.

Beer. That’s right. Before many learn to say (in Chinese) “My name is Bob, I’m an English teacher,” they learn to say: Pijiu. The scholars may learn to say: Liang ping pijiu (two bottles of beer).

As they learn the magic word they also learn to forget the polite customs of their homelands. A wave at a waitress might result in a wave back, or a smile. Softly calling, “Xiao Jie,” (miss) will not get cold bottles of pijiu to your table. Chinese restaurants at meal times can be a controlled riot. You must be loud to be heard over the din of other diners, the kitchen, and the honking horns outside.

Politeness is forgotten as quickly as pijiu is assimilated into the linguistic psyche. The wave or cleared throat is replaced with the bellowed, “Pijiu,” the English teacher holding an empty bottle over their head like a trophy that is be both feared and admired. Even if the waitress doesn’t understand the pronunciation of pijiu, the dead soldier is a visual cue.

That cultural hurdle overcome, new people teaching English in China can learn more useful Chinese phrases like: How much is this?

Photo: Me and my new Strobist gear.