My first sunrise in China, unemployed.

As anyone who follows me on Twitter knows, as of June 30, 2009 at 10:19 am (GMT +8) I joined the ranks of the unemployed. My contract ended, they school paid me off and gave me the official release letters. No more will I be hailed with the moniker, “Teacher.”

No more students, no more books, no more boss’s dirty looks. For me, as Alice Cooper said, school is out forever. No more teaching English in China, no more being el instructor grande of English as a Second Language.

Okay, I’m only temporarily unemployed.  I have a job to start in a few weeks, after the return of Mrs. Stevo and perhaps a bit of travel. What is that job? A few of you have asked, in comments and by email. When all the i’s are dotted and the t’s crossed I’ll let the cat out of the bag.

Every day is a new beginning. It’s easy to get mired in what seems a daily grind, the proverbial rut. Sometimes you need to take a step back and see each day for what it is: A new start. Here’s to a fresh start and new beginnings. For today, it’s a 6:15 pm flight to Shanghai and the Interphoto & Digital Imaging Shanghai (Show) from July 2-5? Visit me at the Phottix booth at the Shanghai Everbright Convention & Exhibition Center. I’ll be easy to spot: The smiling white guy.

aside: I recent lamented to Norm that China has weak clouds. After last week’s typhoon the sky has been filled with big puffy monster clouds (see above). It’s a pleasant change.

Teaching English in China can lead to some situations that drive you to the brink of insanity. That’s not to say I don’t like China, quite the opposite. But, there are times….

1. I can’t seem to get in a fast moving line, be it at a supermarket or passport control station. If in a line with one person in front of me, the line of ten next to me will speed along. I’m cursed, I tells ya.

2. The check-out lines in Chinese supermarkets labeled “Cash only” or “10 items of less” actually except forms of payment other than cash and many more items than 10.

3. When searching for a gym in China try to find one with a non-smoking section.

4. Before boarding the Hong Kong bus to the mainland, my temperature was checked to ensure I wasn’t infected with swine flu. The Star Trek-like gun-thing would not give a reading when pointed at my forehead. The bus attendant looked perplexed and tried again and again. After four minutes I began to wonder if I was dead and had become a zombie. That’s not outside the realm of possibility.

5. Given my level of exhaustion, and after listening to the screams of small children for 18 consecutive weeks, I am seriously considering a DIY vasectomy.

6. While I am extremely buff at the moment, I think three hours of cardio will be needed each day to balance the amount of beer and I plan to consume. I don’t want Mrs. Stevo to return to a less-than-attractive Mr. Stevo.

7. My contract finishes (thank goodness) June 30. On July 1 I will fly to Shanghai for six days, another photography trade show (missing Mrs. Stevo’s return). Look for more photos of pretty Asian models.

Conversation of the Week:
Poo is a major source of conversation between foreign teachers in China. A former colleague referred to his leavings in terms of snakes. “Oh man, you should have seen that nest of vipers…” I present the following to you:

Teacher: I feel a diarrhea attack coming on. If that happens is it okay if I let my class go early?
Stevo: No.
Teacher: Really?
Stevo: You can’t send your class home because of your bowels.
Teacher: Why not?
Stevo: How would I explain that to the parents?
Teacher: Oh.

ESL Teachers and a student take part in a basketball game as part of a school charity event in Shenzhen, China.

When I worked for a newspaper I loved shooting high school sports. The weather this day didn’t agree with me. This image looked much better before the JPG conversion. And, I’m way out of practice.  Michael at Expatriate Games has a great description of basketball in China (the nation is crazy for it). I recommend reading it.

The two weeks of sunshine were a tease. I spent most of the weekend inside thanks to torrential downpours. June 1 signals the start of the Pacific typhoon season. A school day canceled because of a typhoon is always welcome. Five weeks and counting…

The Tower of London, shot in HDR.

I’m too busy, or tai mang le, as we say in Mandarin. I jumped right back into things upon my return to China. The new school term started two days after I arrived in The Middle Kingdom. New ESL teachers to train, new programs to plan and co-ordinate, beer to be consumed … it’s a hard life but I’m up to the challenge.

My lack of posts can be attributed to my new computer. The venerable Lenovo I have been using has been augmented (not replaced, don’t get angry reliable Lenovo) with a lovely quad-speed HP box, complete with 4 gig of RAM. Getting a new computer setup and usable isn’t easy. Downloads galore, and much time spent trying to track down errant discs. I’m happy to say, the new box is up-and-running. If I can only get use to this new keyboard…

I’m playing with HDR photography: High Dynamic Range for those not in the know. HDR uses three of more images shot at different exposures to create a more detailed image. The above is my first (and not very good attempt). To see it in all its glory you need to click on the image. When my planner is less cluttered in a week or two I’ll play some more.

I have reached two conclusions:

1. Every week out of the gym is akin to taking a month off
2. Draft beer gives me headaches that make me contemplate decapitation.
3. Spending Valentine’s Day alone is easy if you go to bed at 8:00 pm.

Take those nuggets of wisdom as you will.

I will celebrate my fourth year in China in two weeks. Where has the time gone…

My school held an early New Year’s Party, Monday night. All the faculties presented a song and dance for the institution’s 600 assorted staff. Not the biggest crowd I’ve performed for. No, it wasn’t televised. After numerous TV appearances last year, it appears my star is waining. Go figure, just as I’m starting to look damn good.

There were gala costumes.

There were (almost) professionally choreographed dance numbers.

And, there were 8 English teachers from around the world, doing the Village People’s infamous classic, YMCA. Their costumes consisted of blue jeans, white T-Shirts, and sunglasses. (We received kudos from all and sundry on the “coolness” of the sunglasses.)

Sometimes it’s best not to take things too seriously.

Photos: The Stevo and S. Jiang

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The Stevo has several young girls following him around. This wasn’t the case when he was the same age as the girls. Back then, during the early 80s, having leprosy wouldn’t have made him any less popular.

Devlishly handsome, in a shirt straight from Queer as Folk.

Now, as I (yes, I’ll switch to first person) creep towards an age that when divided by four equals 10, I am an object of infatuation.  The class of Grade 5 was mine for more than two months. They are loud boisterous students, but I managed to channel that energy into something positive.  After a colleague was asked to “leave” the school, I had to shuffle the schedule, and the class with the affectionate girls was assigned to a new teacher. He’ll find his footing and I will be forgotten (he’s tall, muscular, and kind: I can’t compete).

That doesn’t help at the moment. Each night I walk past the classroom when the girls, always early, are lining up. I, for lack of a better world, am swarmed.

“Stevo!” they call, and climb on my back. “Steve!” they call, and drag me towards their classroom, their arms around me. It’s enough to make a man blush and cringe, while being full of a certain pathetic pride. It’s uncomfortable. Having 6-year-old hug you with gusto is one thing, a 10 year-old-girl is something else. I’ve come a long way towards being “touchy” but not that far.

There are only a few days left this term. After the month long break I’m sure my moment in the sun will have passed. Until then I will have to bear the fruits of my skill and charm, augmented by Grade 5 crushes. Why couldn’t this have happened when I was in Grade 5?

I’ll leave you with The Police, live, with a song that addresses this topic perfectly.
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