Today was Day Three of sleeping like a “normal” person, although The Stevo is anything but normal. I awoke ravenous, wanting bacon and eggs. Both were in my larder, ready to be tossed into the wok and served with two thick slices of bread slathered in New Zealand butter.

The masked civet in my kitchen prevented the cooking of, and feasting upon, of the previously mentioned breakfast items. Yes, a wild cat, inside a burlap bag, still sat on my kitchen floor. The civet, best known as the animal responsible for the SARS epidemic (or pandemic) in 2003, prevented me from preparing breakfast. Last night it kept me from the fridge and frosty, malty beverage.

Why, Stevo, is there a feral animal in your kitchen? Is this unusual?

No, not unusual. This is the life I chose, or rather the life that chose me (thank you Jay-Z for the apt description). My existence is a collection of amusing, frightening, and like this one, inexplicable tales. Wait and see.

I was tagged by Miss Holley and the Seven Random Things meme currently making the rounds. Ready? Yes? Read on:

1. I once worked as a cook at a children’s summer camp and learned that putting melted cheese on any food will make it popular.
2. I believe alcohol kills illness and infection. Keep enough in your bloodstream and you will never be sick. I created my own beverage/medication called a ‘coma.’ Mix one shot of Nyquil and one shot of vodka. Drink. Repeat (if necessary). Sleep. When you wake up in two weeks your cold will be gone.
3. I throw change off my balcony to brighten the cleaning woman’s day.
4. I believe butter is better than margarine. I think this stems from a childhood of margarine consumption, and getting butter as an annual treat.
5. I once worked as a dog catcher.
6. Sometimes I negotiate prices with prostitutes just to practice my Chinese.
7. I can say “Bite me,” in four languages.

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Keeping with this meme’s regulations, I tag:

Jackie
Wanda
Lazy Buddhist
His Holiness, Jay Nova
Carrie
YBonesy
Bibliomom

The Rules

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random [?] people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting on comment on their blog.

Keeping my desk clean is a real challenge. Once a month, I clean, categorize, file, and round-basket the work surface. It stays organized a day or two before regressing to its pre-cleaned state.

The cleaning lady often tries to clean the desk top. “Bu yao,” I say. (don’t want, which is what heroines say in Chinese movie before a) they are eaten by a monster, b) attacked by a rapist, before being saved by their ultra-cool boyfriend). The cleaning lady laughs.

What is on my desk? Let me take an inventory of my tidy-challenged work area.

• Toothpicks.
• Calendar / Date book
• Cellphone
• MP3/4 Player
• Shot glass Read the full story