Cobra Beer = Cobra Venom

You didn’t think their were cobras in England, did you?

There are. Outside a zoo, you can find India’s Cobra Beer. I saw bottles of the lager at the market and had to buy it. How could I not?

Two quarts of the liquid left me feeling as if I was full of Cobra venom (the liberal imbibing of red wine with dinner may have exacerbated the effects of the Cobra Beer).

I slept badly, as I do after drinking. Hot, then cold. Cold, then hot. With Mrs. Stevo sleeping blissfully beside me, I tossed and turned. The drink, and not being in the habit of having the wee blast furnace next to me, left me in a confused state come morning.

There is much to do. I leave for London on Monday. My flight to Hong Kong leaves Thursday. Two days in the nation’s capital. Enough time? Probably not.

I had arranged to stay with a friend of a friend. I have learned he is not in London, but in Reading, an 18 pound train ride from London. (Do you know how far I could travel by train in China for 18 pounds?) I’m hostel shopping. I may have found a nice one in Zone 2, a quick train ride away from Heathrow Airport – I’ll be close by for my midday flight on Thursday.

Canterbury, the ancient cathedral and inspiration for Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales was where I wanted to go. Alas, not enough time. I like old churches, which is ironic as I have little faith and tend to mock organized religion. I have visited several churches while in England. Maybe it’s the quiet that seems to seep from every pore of the building. Maybe this explains my love of libraries….

So, London. With money given by Mrs. Stevo. There is nowhere in England to use a Chinese ATM card. A program between China’s Union Pay system and the UK’s Link ATM system is in the offing, but that’s too late to be of help to me. (A similar thing happened to a friend traveling in Cambodia. He didn’t have enough money to pay the exit fee at the airport when he tried to leave. He had to beg for $5 US in the departure lounge, accompanied by Cambodian police.)

London. What to see? More importantly: What to see in London on-the-cheap. My only must-see is London’s Highgate Cemetery. Yes, I’m peculiar. I’ve wanted to visit this cemetery, the resting place of Karl Marx, for years. The western area of High Gate, complete with Victorian Crypts and strange Egyptian  monuments, only has tours on the weekend. Just my luck. I’ll have to make do with Karl and the residents of High Gate Cemetery’s Eastern area.

The Tower of London? London Bridge? Buckingham Palace? Help! Anyone? Anyone? Throw The Stevo a bone. Have you visited London? Give me a recommendation – what should I see and shoot?

A foggy morning on the Warwick section of the Grand Union Canal.

I post this without benefit of Photoshop or a decent RAW converter. It looks fairly raw without digital tweaks.

I wake early. The morning was covered in fog, something I thought happened often in England but have seen only once. Gear in hand, I rushed to the Grand Union Canal in Warwick. I shot a lot: Better photos will be posted once I’m back home.

Speaking of home, I feel like a man without a country. I’m a Canadian living in China, visiting the United Kingdom. Living in China can drive you to the brink of sanity. My wife aside, that is where I wish I was. The hustle, the bustle, my apartment, my bed. I look forward to fleeing China twice a year, but when I’m away I wish I was there. I don’t feel that way about Canada.

This music is apt, but not true. I have found what I’m looking for, I’m just not there at the moment. (I wish I could pick music as well as Captain Ron does.)

Canadian expat learns China and Asia are vastly different

WARWICK: A China-based Canadian expatriate has learned his adopted country and the United Kingdom are vastly different nations.

“Who would have known,” he said, “There are places in the world where English is readily spoken.”

The shocked traveler can now muse about the cultural difference between Asia and the UK, as well Asia and Canada. His friends, speaking off the record, now live in fear of his return, and the mundane and pointless conversation that are sure to follow.

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Queen Elizabeth II

Okay, I’ve been in England almost two weeks. I’ve seen castles, churches, old cemeteries, and a pub or two. I still haven’t had bangers and mash, or been knighted. I’m sure both will happen next week. I’m sure mine is the only residence in China with a photo of Queen Elizabeth II hanging on the wall. For that alone I should be made Sir Stevo.

What have I observed so far in my English sojourn?

• The English are polite people. I do like being called “luv” or “boss” by random store clerks. I’m waiting to be called “guv.”
• I am no longer the center of attention. When I walk into a store heads don’t crane to track my movements. Old women don’t root through my cart to examine my purchases.
• I have not once been called “foreigner” in any language.
• People are daft to live this far north of the equator. The sun doesn’t rise until 8 am and sets at 4:30 pm.
• When converted into Chinese currency, everything in England is expensive. My crosstown bus ride yesterday would have paid for a generous, beer-soaked meal in China.
• There are in fact countries in the world where cheese is readily accessible. Dropping to your hands and knees in the supermarket dairy aisle to thank the cheese gods does draw attention.
• Cats aren’t as bad as I have made them out to be. After living with one for a week I can say they are actually (sort of) cool.  Well, this one is.
• Spending an afternoon helping your wife make a dentist appointment is not as gratifying as seeing the local sites.
• It is impossible not to make noise while in the kitchen of your host’s home at 5 am.
• Like China, old people travel in packs. This must be an international rule, or something deep in the collective unconscious.
• Chinese food is readily available but not very good. Curry is everywhere, but knowing little about Indian food makes ordering problematic.
• Relaxing is difficult after months of Type A GO GO GO behavior.
• Everything is easier when you can understand the language, but not nearly as fun.
• Exploring history is cool where ever you are.

An incomplete list, I’m sure.

I have shot a lot of photos but because my wee computer is lacking Photoshop I cannot process the RAW files and post them for your viewing pleasure. I have yet to take a self-portrait. I’m certain Ron is quivering with anticipation.

I discovered Asian Ramblings is a finalist in the 2009 Bloggies. Please give me your vote and I’ll send you shiny Chinese trinkets upon my return to the Orient.

That’s all for now. Ta, Cheers, and all that.

The rat, of the Chinese Zodiac

Happy Chinese New Year (almost)! Kung Hei Fat Choi!

or, Gongxi Facai! or, Xin Nian Kuai Le!

The Year of the Ox will begin January 26. Chinese people, and the Chinese diaspora will celebrate Lunar New Year, or Spring Festival, by returning home, eating lavish dinners, buying new clothes, and giving lucky money to children, parents, and unmarried friends.

Where does the Ox fit into this? What about the rest of the Chinese zodiac animals? As the Year of the Rat ends and the Year of the Ox begins do you wonder: Why is there a rat, a creature abhorred by most of civilization, in the Chinese zodiac? An ox? Hmmm…Let’s take a look.

Grab a cup of cocoa, put up your feet, and we’ll journey back to the days of yore. It started with a race, called by an immortal…

Once upon a time, the Jade Emperor (the Ruler of Heaven in the Taoist pantheon) held a race, calling all the animals to compete. The winners would be granted prestigious places in the Chinese zodiac. Many animals accepted the Emperor’s invitation, and as the racing commentators say, they were off!

The final obstacle in the race was a wide river. The ox, cat, and rat, the vanguard, arrived on the river bank. The cat and rat knew they couldn’t cross the river, they were the worst swimmers in the animal world.  They jumped on the back of the ox as he waded across. The ox, being a lovable lug (and somewhat naïve) agreed.

A traditional Chinese cat.

The cat and rat had a long-standing rivalry. The rat started to worry as they crossed the river on their bovine conveyance. He didn’t want to lose to his long time rival. In a fit of competitiveness, the rat pushed the cat off the ox, and into the river. The cat was swept away. (This explains two things: Why cats hate water, and why cats hate rats/mice. The cat never forgave the rat, and all cats still bear a grudge.)

The rat leapt off the ox as he struggled up the river bank, and finished the race. The Jade Emperor named him the first animal of the Chinese zodiac. The ox, a lovable lummox, finished second, and was granted second place in the zodiac.

Next, the tiger crossed the finish line. He apologized to the Jade Emperor. The current had been strong, and it was only his brute strength that allowed him to finish. Mr. Tiger was named the third animal.

A wet rabbit was fourth to cross the finish line. He thought he would win the race, he told the green God, but had fallen in the river while jumping from stone to stone. A piece of wood had saved him from drowning, and a gust of wind had brought him to shore.

Next: A Dragon. The Jade Emperor was mystified. How could a powerful flying creature finish fifth? He could fly across the river. The dragon explained that he had to stop along the way to make rain for a village in need. As he approached the finish line he spotted a rabbit in the river, clinging to a piece of wood. He helped the struggling rabbit to shore with his mighty breath. The Emperor was happy with the dragon’s benevolence, and he was named the fifth animal in the Chinese zodiac.

A horse arrived next, in a lather from his charging leap across the river. As he neared the finish line the snake, who had covertly hitched a ride on the horse’s leg, uncoiled. The horse, frightened by the serpent, reared and backed away. The snake crossed the finish line, the sixth animal. The horse, after recovering his wits, was the seventh animal to finish and be added to the zodiac.

A ram, a monkey and a rooster arrived at the far bank of the river. They couldn’t think of a way to get across. The rooster spotted a raft hidden along the river bank, and with the help of the monkey and the ram, cleared it of weeds and sailed across the river. The Jade Emperor was happy with the animals’ team work and named the ram the eighth animal, the monkey the ninth, and the rooster the tenth, in the zodiac cycle.

The dog of the Chinese Zodiac

Next came a wet dog (probably smelling like a typical wet dog, that odor being a constant since the beginning of time). He needed a bath, he explained to the Jade Emperor, and the river was the perfect opportunity to get clean. The clean canine was named the eleventh animal in the cycle.

The menagerie waited. And waited. And waited.

The Jade Emperor was about to call an end to the race and proceed with the eleven animals he had. The ensemble heard a shuffle and an oink. A pig crossed the finish line. He apologized. During the race he had become hungry and stopped to eat. After his meal he had fallen asleep.  Upon waking he finished the race. The pig was named the twelfth and last Chinese zodiac animal.

The cat, having struggled from the river after the rat’s skullduggery, finally arrived, too late to be included. He swore eternal revenge on the rat (and all rats) that had queered his chance to become part of the Chinese zodiac.

… and they lived happily ever after.

Of course, as with any myth, there is more than one story. The above tale is told with the Buddha substituted for the Jade Emperor. In an alternate version the Buddha called all the animals on his last day on earth, to say goodbye. Only twelve animals came, and he named a year after each of them.

In another version there is no race. The rat is given the task of inviting all the animasl to a banquet held by the Jade Emperor. The rat, given his long-standing feud with the cat, told the cat to arrive a day after the dinner. The cat, being tricked, swore revenge through the ages on rats.

Stories and fables: Behind every Chinese holiday is a fascinating myth to explain the festivities. Chinese Lunar New Year stories are no different those of Mid-Autumn Festival or the Dragon Boat Festival.

As you celebrate the arrival of the Year of the Ox keep in mind how the dim-witted creature, number two in the Chinese Zodiac, helped the Rat cross the finish line.

Happy Chinese New Year, almost. Kung Hei Fat Choi!

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Asian Ramblings is a finalist in the 2009 Bloggies. Please Vote!

Chinese Zodiac Chart

The Year of the Ox will arrive January 26 with the start of Chinese Lunar New Year. Most westerners know of Chinese Zodiac: Each year is assigned an animal. In North America many Chinese restaurants feature place mats with birth years, animals, and brief descriptions to entertain dinners while waiting for their sweet and sour pork, or General Tsao’s Chicken.

Do you know all the Chinese Zodiac animals?

Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, Pig.

But, the Chinese Zodiac, and Chinese New Year, is not that simple.

Oh no, not that simple at all.

I don’t have a degree in Sinology. My four years in China hasn’t taught me the ins-and-outs of the Chinese Zodiac. Sure, I was born in the year of the pig, but was it a yin or yang year? What element? That’s right, each year has a yin and yang designation as well as an assigned element (metal, wood, fire, water, and earth).

Element isn’t the right term. The translation is screwy and Sinologists cannot properly define the term: Element was the best they could come up with. In English an element is a building block, in Chinese the term Xing (element), means permutations or metamorphoses (or change) of being.

So, complications beyond the simple animal year. The place mats made it all seem so easy. Animals + yin/yang + element. Confused? Let’s add the inner animal (the month you were born – this is your inner motivation), and, the animal that rules the day your were born (your basic personality), and, your secret animal (based on the hour you were born).

That’s a damn zoo.

I remember reading posts on red Ravine about animals in the native American belief structure, and wonder if that is as complicated as the Chinese Zodiac.

I was born in the yin metal year of the pig. I don’t know the day or time. Based on the month, my inner animal is a tiger. My inner motivations/traits are:

Unpredictable, rebellious, colourful, powerful, passionate, daring, impulsive, vigorous, stimulating, sincere, affectionate, humanitarian, generous. Can be restless, reckless, impatient, quick-tempered, obstinate, selfish.

Source: Wikipedia

That’s correct, to a degree. (if you have seen my collection of truly ugly shirts you would agree with “colorful.” Ah ha, finally, answers.

But I was also born in the year of the pig. So, I am (predominately):

Honest, simple, gallant, sturdy, sociable, peace-loving, patient, loyal, hard-working, trusting, sincere, calm, understanding, thoughtful, scrupulous, passionate, intelligent. Can be naive, over-reliant, self-indulgent, gullible, fatalistic, materialistic.

Again, not far from the mark.

Chinese Zodiac Signs: The Ox

And confusing. I’m peace-loving but quick tempered? I’m materialistic but generous? (I remember an Alanis Morisette song with similar lyrics). Bu zhe dao, as we say in the Middle Kingdom: I don’t know. And, Wo bu ming bai – I don’t understand.

I’m not going to attempt to explain (or understand) the elements or yin/yang. Researching this, beyond the place mat explanations we all know has only confirmed that: In China, there are no easy answers. Questions lead to more questions.

It takes a skilled person to understand the Chinese Zodiac. The fortune tellers I have seen look like the stereotypical Hollywood Chinese sage. These are wise men. Even cursory research has left me befuddled.

The animal is a staple of Chinese Lunar New Year. You can currently buy Year of the Ox toys, statues, necklaces, and candies. If Eggo waffles were made in China (and I wish they were)  I’m certain there would be an Ox shaped toaster pastry.

I haven’t really explained anything accept my own ineptitude. now this: place mats are poor study guides. If I could go back to the Chinese restaurant that witnessed my foray in waitering – I would explain to the buffet hungry masses reading their place mats that it really isn’t that easy.

Coming soon: The mythos of the animals. Where did the menagerie in the Chinese Zodiac come from?

Christmas may be shopping craziness in North America, but Chinese New Year is a festival that lasts for 14 days – imagine the shopping that goes into that?

Forget the shopping, imagine the promotion. Companies, big and small, tout their wares as everyone gets ready for the Chinese Lunar New Year.

I was handed a Chinese New Year advertising flyer as I walked home from the gym last week. It made for some interesting reading – allow me to share.

From the top of the flyer. I don’t know if the words cheap and pharmacy should be used in ad copy, or even in the same sentence. Probably a bad translation.

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Oh, good. Twelve centimeter flattened, dried lizards are on sale. There are probably medicinal benefits to the little creature. I’m not well-versed enough in CTM (Chinese Traditional Medicine) to know how they affect your Chi. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with alternative medicine.

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Yum! Dried Seahorses, what every Chinese New Year party needs, with a little ranch dip on the side. Better than beef jerky.

Okay, I jest. Again, seahorses are used in CTM (Chinese Traditional Medicine). These I have taken, and again I don’t know the real purpose. The doctor created a special brew of roots, nuts, and seahorses, to cure my asthma. I was skeptical. After choking down the foul mixture for two weeks my asthma was gone. My skepticism, too, was gone.
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This is the sort of post that would cause me to label another China blogger a “douche bag” for his cultural insensitivity. In my defense, I have tried the seahorses, and a number of other “healthy” foods (frog uterus) during my tenure in China. This post is not meant to mock, but to point out the incredible differences in culture. Could you imagine a North American pharmacy having dried seahorses on sale? I won’t speculate on the effects of dog meat in the supermarket’s deli counter.

Advertising is the same all over. Companies, be they American, Chinese, or Bulgarian, flog their products around the holidays. The products are dictated by the local culture. What fun would the world be if we were all the same? Where would the adventure be? And what would travel bloggers blog about?

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