What stories do your photographs tell? Or, what stories are you trying to tell? I used to try to tell stories from the viewer’s perspective. My editor would froth at the mouth when he saw my images fresh from the Fotomat (ok, we didn’t have a Fotomat, but those little booths were cool.)

“I don’t see any faces,” he would say each Wednesday, the day we put the newspaper together. “People want to see faces, not artsy back-of-the-head shots.”

Yes, they do, Mr. Editor. I have taken your advice to heart. Should you ever see this page, I’ll-be-an-Editor-until-my-band-makes-it-big, find your requisite face below. But, my pointless anecdote has caused me to digress…

What story does this image tell?

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Dear Mr. Bloom:

I hope you or your people see this letter. Surely a man as important as you has Google Alert set for his name. I have never been a fan of yours, and other than 22 minutes of The Lord of the Rings I managed to sit through, I can truthfully admit to living an almost Orlando-free life. Others, like my bloglleague Wanda Rizzuto, cannot make the same claim.

The lady wants you, Mr. Bloom. And not for long either. I know you’re busy, reading scripts for films like Elizabethtown, but surely you have 36 free minutes to help out Ms Rizzuto. I don’t think it will hurt, much. Not nearly as much as me watching Kingdom of Heaven. Keeping the world entertained is cross both of us must bear. One of us makes wise choices, the other…. Your lack of wisdom is evident beyond your script choices. Cutting a hot and sassy writer-type out of your life shows an extreme lack of foresight.

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CG: Yao bu yao?

Stevo: Yao.

CG: Liang ge er G DDR2 RAM ma?

Stevo: Dui.

CG: Acer, very good. Fei chang hao.

Stevo: Dui. Zhe ge, duo shao qian? (pointing in display case).

CG: Zhe ge?

Stevo: Dui.

CG: Ni yao Bluetooo …

Stevo: Bluetooth.

CG: Hao. Xie xie. Bluetoooooth.

Stevo: Wo yao Bluetooth. Ni you mei you Bluetooth USB?

CG: Dui. Zhe ge, xiao, small. Zhe ge, big, hen da. (spreading arms wide)

Stevo: Da de, hao de. Wo yao.

CG: Zhe ge?

Stevo: Yeah, I want that bad-boy. Bag it, Dano.

CG: Shenme?

Stevo: Zhe ge, wo yao mai yi ge.

CG: Hao hao hao.

I wonder: How would I say vector wallpaper in Chinese?

Yes, I have the travel bug. I’ve been in China three years and seen very little of the multitude of countries that surround me. Maybe I’m too much of a homebody. I like “maxing and relaxing” on the sofa. I like seeing other countries and cultures, just not the process of getting to said locale. That changed with my recent excursion to Thailand.

The Chinese government revamped the national holiday schedule. I used to receive a week off in May for International Labor Day. This seven day respite has been replaced with two, three day weekends. Yes, it’s less than ideal, but I’m planning a trip none the less. Read the full story

Lighting incense at the Temple of the Six Banyan Trees, Guangzhou, China.

Because the dynamic duo Ron and Robin (are they like The Captain and Tennille?) have been getting musical I will do the same today. This title of this song fits, but not the rest, unless the vocalist is singing about The Buddha. Meh, it’s early.

CHINA–Blissful sleep came to an abrupt end for The Stevo today. After three days of sleeping far later than his biology allows he was roused by the masked civet living in his kitchen.

The cat, said The Stevo, was out of the bag. The burlap sack lay in shreds. A raccoon-like face stared at him before plunging back into the garbage bin.

“I thought they would meow, it looks like a cat,” he said. Instead, he described a high-pitched whistle-cum-wail emanating from his glassed-in kitchen.

“It’s pretty damn freaky,” said The Stevo.

The civet was last seen feasting on a bags of skim milk power and uncooked rice. In an attempt to appease the wild fucking animal in his kitchen The Stevo tossed some papayas through the door.

“I just want it to shut up,” he said. “There are four more papayas and three oranges. After that all bets are off.”

The owner of said civet, The Stevo’s brother-in-law, who had spent the previous two night on the sofa, has departed Chateau Stevo. The dismayed kitchenless man said it was an unjust karmic joke.

“I would really like to get back into my kitchen,” said The Stevo.

Authorities fear there may be a double slaying, the brother-in-law, and the civet, if The Stevo is not able to get into his kitchen during the next 24 hours.

“I really want a sandwich,” he told this reporter.